Sparkling News Today

With all the bad news and tragic news that's reported every day, it's nice to hear some upbeat news. Hopefully the news today will bring a smile to your face or make you laugh. Happy reading!

1: Hooray! A breakthrough in medicine concerning women...
3-D Mammograms, Cameras May Improve Breast Exams-happynews.com

2: A witty invention to keep children out of drawers...
Childproof Drawer-funny.com

3: A true friend, a real hero, lays down his own life for his friends...
Bush Gives Medal of Honor to Navy SEAL-happynews.com

4: This young lady is more than a devoted daughter, she has a heart of gold...
Oscar Princess Overcomes Homelessness, Poverty to Excel-abcnews.go.com

5: Sincere congratulations to a couple who have reaped a lifetime harvest...
Oil Making 'Overnight Millionaires' in North Dakota-foxnews.com

6: This bathing suit gives swimmers speed...
WATCH: Is New Speedo a Stroke of Genius?-abcnews.go.com

7: All for one and one for all is this animals motto...
Giraffe Helps Camels, Zebras Escape From Circus-cbsnews.com

8: How weird is this....
Man auctions life on eBay, disappointed with selling price-usatoday.com
(Yeah, like that's gonna actually happen)

9: Residents of this MN town can finally say "home sweet home."
Nowthen, Minn., I think our city has a name-boston.com

10: A tribute to a very talented young actor whose life was cut way too short... Special Tribute for the Dark Knight Heath Ledger-davesdaily.com

I really hope you enjoyed today's news. Remember, keep smiling, you might just make someones day brighter!

All In Favor Say YES And AMEN

WE NEED A POLITICAL TIME OUT

March 16th, 2008

Filed Under: Management

Had enough? So have I. We need a month-long break in this mud wrestle we so generously call an election just to hose off.

We all know politics is a dirty business but lately these jokers have been out-filthing themselves. And I don’t just mean the Big Three, vying for the opportunity to disappoint us for the next four to eight years, I mean the whole diseased lot of them.

I can’t satirize these guys anymore. Elliot Spoojer pays four grand so he can be a “tough client” who is none too fond of Trojans. Larry Craig says, “The Mayflower! Why didn’t I think of that?” as he leaves another airport stall, brushing the dust off his knees. Dickless Morris puffs out his flabby chest and tells Fox news he never paid half as much scratch for his action, then puts a hatin’ on Hillary because that’s how the slob makes his grubby living.

Here I spent all winter trying to avoid this nasty flu that was going around, using hand sanitizer like it came from Lourdes and popping Airbornes at the drop of a snot and I wind up getting the dry heaves straight through my TV screen. You can get a flu shot, but there is no vaccine for politicians. Give them enough time and they will make you sick.

They’ve had enough time, I am sick, I need a time out.

Soon enough they’ll be at it again, pounding the streets of Pennsylvania and grinning at the cameras, saying “Buy Me! Buy Me!” And we will buy one of them.

But dontchya know, it probably won’t matter. Because whomever we buy will already be bought.

I hate to be all cynical like this. Maybe a break for a month will help. Maybe I’ll watch the NCAA basketball tournament and a half dozen baseball games and feel a lot better. Perhaps a time out from hearing about Obama’s preacher and Hillary’s feminist attack dogs and McCain’s berserk temper and various lesser politicians genitalia will give me, and you, a chance to heal.

I sure hope so.

There is much more I could say, but I gotta go now. I hear the doorbell. It’s either my pizza, or that four figure hooker I ordered up on Craigslist. Sue me, I decided to splurge.

I mean, this is the hypocrisy site, right?

Hypocrisy.com